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Friday, October 20, 2006

Bring on the 'Dozers!

My family is going to have a field day with this. I can hear my youngest sister laughing uproariously at my expense already. I have just turned the corner from mildly eccentric to (figuratively speaking, of course) gunz-a-blazin, tie-me-to-a-redwood-please, greener-than-an-organic-banana, she’s-off-the-chain-folks-just-look-at-her-go, what-a-nutball.

That’s right, I just took all my soaps, shampoos, hair products, and deodorant – not to mention household cleaning supplies – out to the garage, their final pit stop on the way to the dump. What, you might ask, am I using instead? Baking soda. Yep, you heard me, baking soda. Oh, and vinegar, olive oil, coconut oil, herbs from my garden, and colloidal oatmeal (ground in a coffee grinder for those of you who always wondered what colloidal meant – as I did until just this week when I began making it myself). Supposedly baking soda and vinegar would have been enough, but I had to replace all my feel-good/taking-care-of-myself (cancer causing) toiletries with something!

All this from a woman who (I cringe from the shame of it) has still been using disposable diapers. And what happened to bring on this tsunami of change? It was as small as a tube of children’s toothpaste, my friends. Before the occurrence, I was sort of greenish: I mostly bought organic food, I joined an organic co-op, I recycled, I tried to conserve, but basically, I believed that it wasn’t that bad out there in consumer-land. Don’t ask me how I kept my head in the sand for as long as I did. When it comes to my kids though, I can get crystal clear vision pretty fast – and it tastes just like chemical sweetener.

I posted about our camping trip just recently, and that’s where my awakening happened. We were getting ready to go into Savannah our second morning camping and I went to the bathroom by myself (yay for me!) to do my hair or something, I can’t remember now, and brush my teeth. When I got there, I realized I didn’t have my toothpaste. As I was digging through the bag looking for my toothbrush, I found the kids’ toothpaste. “Ah hah!” said I, and proceeded to begin brushing my teeth with it.

The second I tasted it I knew something was wrong. When I checked the ingredients, there it was – saccharin in my children’s toothpaste. There are not words to describe how pissed off I was. Saccharin in the toothpaste that my children swallow every day. While I’m worrying myself sick about what’s in their food and whether this one or that one is about to need stitches from the latest acrobatic (or not) feat, I’m tenderly poisoning them with lotions, soaps, shampoos, and toothpaste. And now diapers, too! (Which I now know thanks to my friend Natallia and my new friend Jeff.)

“What’s that white film all over the sink?” my husband asked me when he came home.
“Umm, baking soda.”
“So we’re cleaning our dishes, our laundry, our countertops, and our bodies with baking soda?”
“Uh huh.”
“And what are we supposed to use for deodorant?”
“Umm, baking soda.”

He’s been reduced to sighing a lot, shaking his head, and wondering why his life gets ever more complicated the longer he knows me.


Chrissie said...

Dear Crazy Coo-Coo Bananas:

Don't go to all the trouble of making that stuff for yourself. Why reinvent the wheel? It's already been done for you, organic, ADA approved and free of all chemicals. I've used it and loved it.

You can get products for children and adults, soap, toothpaste, deoderant, etc.


Your Partner in Crazy Coo-Coo Bananadom

Go here and have a field day buying as many all natural toiletries as you can stuff into an eco-friendly box made with 100% post-consumer recycled materials:

You can thank me later.

3:09 PM  
Chrissie said...

By the way. Before you get too complacent with your all-natural, non-killing products and feel you can now be free of the moral angst that accompanies poisoning your children with bubblegum flavored Big Bird toothpaste? Remind yourself that whatever your family is wearing was probably made in Malaysia by an 8 year old. And is dyed a gorgeous shade of indigo with a serious carcinogen. You just can't win.

Buy hemp. Mostly it looks like ass, but you can feel good about yourself and save a little piece of the world while you're scratching.

Love you.

3:18 PM  
Chrissie said...

Okay. I feel so bad that you're making all this stuff, I just assembled and ordered a little all-natural toiletry starter kit for you. Bar soap, liquid body wash, toothpaste (for adults and kids), shaving cream, mouthwash, hand soap and deoderant. In 4 to 7 days (because I am apparently too cheap to pay for expedited shipping) your suffering will be over.

3:43 PM  
Chrissie said...

Sweet Mother o' Mercy, somebody stop me. Go here to buy all of your laundry and household cleaning products:

I am done now. Swear.

3:46 PM  
Chrissie said...

Damn. Damn, damn, damn. I swear, I meant "deodorant". I am so ashamed of myself. And if you want to know what kind of idiot I am, it just dawned on me that I thought perhaps I had misspelled it and I came back to look. I don't think I can live with myself. Save me.

5:12 PM  
Jeff - OWTK said...

Oh, Tom's of Maine toothpaste is the best. We have been using that exclusively for about a year now. I recommended the speariment Gel toothpaste, lovely stuff. They make a great kids paste also, which our daughter loves. No darn cartoon character either, no need for the brand marketing (another sore spot of mine!). Yeah, the mass produced garbage for kids is nasty, sugary junk. Kinds defeats the purpose of "cleaning" your teeth.

For clothing, we are a big fan of American Apparel. Super comfy logo free, sweatshop free, made in the usa (start to finish) tee shirts.

10:09 PM  
Oh, The Joys said...

My grandpa says vinegar cures dandruff.

1:39 PM  

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